i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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