So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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