All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
