just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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