Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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