i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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