I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize