Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
