everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
