whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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