we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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