my phone needs a breathalizer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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