i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
