hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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