life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize