Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
