u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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