We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
