How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
