I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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