woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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