I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
