Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Randomize
Follow @tfln