There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.