well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
