She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
