When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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