Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
