AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
