So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
