yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
