He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.