Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.