I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.