Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
