My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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