Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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