i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
