Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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