If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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