I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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