My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
