Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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