the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
