Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
