My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
