I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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