I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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