She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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