Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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