Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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