so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
