There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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