just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
