girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
