I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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