One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
