Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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