Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
