i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
