If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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