Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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