My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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