you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
